i've created a new blog called it's time to start anew :)
i will be updating on there from now on, so follow me!
Friday, October 16, 2009
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
with trust comes happiness.
Trust; what a hard thing to come by. It's a concept that's hard to grasp, and one definitely hard to hold onto. Trust can make or break a relationship, a friendship, a household. I've personally experienced trust issues in all of these situations; as i'm sure most of us have. The most recent? Well, that would be the trust between a father and a daughter...which is apparently not much.
So, Justin and I were going to go camping with his mom and his stepdad. I asked Dad, and after a while of "i'll have to think about it", i got a yes. we're up at petersburg at the lake. we've got the pontoon and we're all just having a great time. on friday night, justin's parents let us take the boat out. we stopped at our friend luke's house for maybe an hour or less so we could talk to and see everybody. yeah, there was drinking going on, but justin and i weren't there to party...we were there to just stop by because we were begged to. well there was this girl there; 15 YEARS OLD, mind you. and she was stumbling around the house and screaming, so i told her she needed to go lay down and go to bed. let me tell you what this girl did...she stepped up on me, meaning she was a good 3 steps in front of me and she got right in my face and started drunkenly screaming, "you have no right to judge me!" anyone who knows me knows that i do not put up with that, but i kept my cool and i took a step back and told her one more time that she needed to lay down, then justin and i left. The next morning I get a call from my dad. He asks me "Were you at Luke Gavalas' house last night and think carefully before you answer this" I said, "Yes, I was. Justin and i took the boat out there for like an hour last night". He told me that i wasnt where i was supposed to be and that i needed to come home. I said "So, if i said that i was going to Morgan's house, but we went over to Rachael's for like an hour and then came back, that'd be me 'not being where i said i would be'"? But, of course, (for those of you who know my father), he made justin take me all the way home. I WAS FURIOUS, let alone embarassed. I am 18 years old, and my father still doesn't trust me.
I called my mom, and said that i couldn't stand being treated like a child anymore. I told her that i wanted to come home. I told my dad that I was going to spend the night with her that night. My mom wasn't going to be home and she said that Justin and I could come stay the night there. Well, when my dad found this out, he demanded that I come home. I, for the first time in 18 years, stood up to my father and said, "I'm not coming home" He then told me to bring him the car. So, I did. When i walked in, he took my keys and my phone and gave me my sister's old phone and said "you have until the 28th to get off our plan or we're cutting if off". i asked him how he expected me to get to school and work. his reply: "that's not my problem". the next day, i got all of my stuff and left...without a car, my phone, or a laptop. I was NOT about to let him think that just because he held that stuff from me that I would stay. NO. my bestfriends helped me move out and that was that.
I'm now living with my mom...and it just feels right. i'm home. i'm comfortable and i have more freedom than ever before. Justin takes me/lets me use his car whenever i have school and work. i am so thankful to have him. he is so supportive and does everything he can to help. Because I have such early classes, he stays with us at my house and i love it, because i get to spend so much more time with him. His best friends, Cory and Jason, stay the night sometimes too and they are absolutely two of the greatest guys ive ever met and we're all like a family. i love it.
when i left my mom's house to live with my dad back in April, i was a wreck. i cried myself to sleep every night for a month; i felt empty and unwanted. my mom and i have both hurt each other in the past and we've apologized. She welcomes me home with open arms and i couldn't be happier. When I was living with my dad, I HATED being home. I stayed out until 1 AM (my curfew) every night. But living with my mom, i like being home. needless to say, even though i don't have a car, i am happy :)
thanks for reading; thanks for caring.
So, Justin and I were going to go camping with his mom and his stepdad. I asked Dad, and after a while of "i'll have to think about it", i got a yes. we're up at petersburg at the lake. we've got the pontoon and we're all just having a great time. on friday night, justin's parents let us take the boat out. we stopped at our friend luke's house for maybe an hour or less so we could talk to and see everybody. yeah, there was drinking going on, but justin and i weren't there to party...we were there to just stop by because we were begged to. well there was this girl there; 15 YEARS OLD, mind you. and she was stumbling around the house and screaming, so i told her she needed to go lay down and go to bed. let me tell you what this girl did...she stepped up on me, meaning she was a good 3 steps in front of me and she got right in my face and started drunkenly screaming, "you have no right to judge me!" anyone who knows me knows that i do not put up with that, but i kept my cool and i took a step back and told her one more time that she needed to lay down, then justin and i left. The next morning I get a call from my dad. He asks me "Were you at Luke Gavalas' house last night and think carefully before you answer this" I said, "Yes, I was. Justin and i took the boat out there for like an hour last night". He told me that i wasnt where i was supposed to be and that i needed to come home. I said "So, if i said that i was going to Morgan's house, but we went over to Rachael's for like an hour and then came back, that'd be me 'not being where i said i would be'"? But, of course, (for those of you who know my father), he made justin take me all the way home. I WAS FURIOUS, let alone embarassed. I am 18 years old, and my father still doesn't trust me.
I called my mom, and said that i couldn't stand being treated like a child anymore. I told her that i wanted to come home. I told my dad that I was going to spend the night with her that night. My mom wasn't going to be home and she said that Justin and I could come stay the night there. Well, when my dad found this out, he demanded that I come home. I, for the first time in 18 years, stood up to my father and said, "I'm not coming home" He then told me to bring him the car. So, I did. When i walked in, he took my keys and my phone and gave me my sister's old phone and said "you have until the 28th to get off our plan or we're cutting if off". i asked him how he expected me to get to school and work. his reply: "that's not my problem". the next day, i got all of my stuff and left...without a car, my phone, or a laptop. I was NOT about to let him think that just because he held that stuff from me that I would stay. NO. my bestfriends helped me move out and that was that.
I'm now living with my mom...and it just feels right. i'm home. i'm comfortable and i have more freedom than ever before. Justin takes me/lets me use his car whenever i have school and work. i am so thankful to have him. he is so supportive and does everything he can to help. Because I have such early classes, he stays with us at my house and i love it, because i get to spend so much more time with him. His best friends, Cory and Jason, stay the night sometimes too and they are absolutely two of the greatest guys ive ever met and we're all like a family. i love it.
when i left my mom's house to live with my dad back in April, i was a wreck. i cried myself to sleep every night for a month; i felt empty and unwanted. my mom and i have both hurt each other in the past and we've apologized. She welcomes me home with open arms and i couldn't be happier. When I was living with my dad, I HATED being home. I stayed out until 1 AM (my curfew) every night. But living with my mom, i like being home. needless to say, even though i don't have a car, i am happy :)
thanks for reading; thanks for caring.
Sunday, October 4, 2009
postsecret
they aren't in any kind of order:
1) my baby brother is five inches taller than me and it makes me sad, because he's growing up so fast 2) i can't stand my youngest sisters; i wish i liked them but, as sad as it sounds, i just don't 3) i wish i was closer to my younger sister...i mean, we're only 18 months apart 4) i wish my dad acted towards his family the way he acts to the fans surrounding him at UGA football games 5) my stepmom gets on my very last nerve and everytime i talk to her, i literally feel part of my brain die 6) i feel so uncomfortable around my own mother and that causes me more pain than i've ever felt before (except for the day she actually left) 7) i am scared to death of letting my parents down 8) for some odd reason, pregnancy doesn't seem like such a bad idea in a year or two 9) i push people away just to see if they care enough to pull back 10) i'm terrified of how my life will turn out after he deploys 11) i've always thought of depression as a bunch of bologna; but i'm starting to believe in it 12) i wish mine was as good to me as hers is to her 13) i'm loud, carefree, and confident only to hide my lack thereof 14) medical school just doesn't seem right for me anymore...and i'm not ready to tell my parents 15) one time, i saw a guy litter in the asu parking lot so i picked up all the trash i saw around me, checked to see if his doors were unlocked, and put it all in the driver's seat of his car...i hope the lesson he learned was about littering; not leaving your car unlocked 16) if i don't get out of my house soon, i will go insane 17) the fact that my stepmom cleans everything for me makes me see her as nothing more than a maid 18) i have serious selfish issues...i like to keep people to myself 19) i brought four people together who have a greater connection with each other than i've ever had with a single one of them 20) my "new" friends aren't as great as i make them out to be 21) i miss my support group 22) i have no talents or hobbies...really, it's true...and very sad 23) i wish i was capable of staying home on the weeknights, but i just can't bring myself to do it 24) i lost one of my best friends because i was grounded for a week and so she moved on to someone else...ever since then, ive been afraid of losing my friends 25) i've already lost them 26) when georgia football season ends, i'm scared that i'll lose the only connection i have to my topher 27) i can't listen to one rap song without thinking of my best friend 28) everytime i call her my best friend, i cry, because i know that she does not call me by the same name 29) i still sleep with my buildabear everynight...even if i'm not sleeping at home 30) one thing i love about my "new" friends is that they never would ever make fat jokes; you have no idea how much they hurt me 31) i go to the gym daily now and i most definitely do not get the recommended 2,000 calories in...not even a third of that 32) trust me, i count 33) i feel so out of place in my sunday school class on sunday mornings 34) so, this one time, a guy in my sunday school harped and harped about how "Christians are called to be different and set apart" and how "drinking in public, even if you are over the age gives the image that you are blending in"...that next saturday, he showed up at a party i was at; kahlua in hand 35) re-reading these makes my stomach churn 36) i only deleted my twitter to make a statement; the night i did it, i realized how badly i overreact 37) i'm convinced that justin is going to propose at the fair in the barn where we met; i'm not totally sure; but if he did, not a shadow of doubt would cross my mind 38) i think that a certain "friend" of mine is a lying slut who likes to toy with boys' emotions and doesn't deserve the boyfriend she has now 39) when i see skinny girls put on weight, it makes me feel better about myself 40) i am surrounded by people who don't go to college and i feel awesome because i'm actually going somewhere with my life 41) i cannot cannot wait to go to the fair with the four greatest people i know...and yes, that was an invitation :) 42) i CANNOT wait for my wedding; i'm so stoked. and as of now, i KNOW my bridesmaid line-up and it's straight up ballin' 43) i feel like my life is finally coming together...idk, its weird. but now that ive worked everything out with my bestfriends and i know what i want, i'm much much happier 44) i'm an emotional rollercoaster, i've come to realize; i'm a "real piece of work" as someone so sweetly put it :) 45) i was really scared i wouldn't like my new autistic boy because i love aidan so much, but they are both two of the greatest kids i've ever met in my life 46) i'll be honest, i feel like a straight up G whenever people ask me where i work and i have the priveledge of saying "i'm a behavior therapist for autistic kids" :):):) 47) i went to my mom's for dinner last week and i saw my room which was even more bare than the last time i saw it and all of the anger i felt towards her came rushing back 48) i wish i lived with her again just so that i could have more freedom 49) i'm staying at home all night tonight and that makes me really happy 50)i want to move out...now. 51) i'm back living with mommy now and it just feels right 52) i'm obsessed with the way people's mouths move.
yeah, ill stop now haha :)
1) my baby brother is five inches taller than me and it makes me sad, because he's growing up so fast 2) i can't stand my youngest sisters; i wish i liked them but, as sad as it sounds, i just don't 3) i wish i was closer to my younger sister...i mean, we're only 18 months apart 4) i wish my dad acted towards his family the way he acts to the fans surrounding him at UGA football games 5) my stepmom gets on my very last nerve and everytime i talk to her, i literally feel part of my brain die 6) i feel so uncomfortable around my own mother and that causes me more pain than i've ever felt before (except for the day she actually left) 7) i am scared to death of letting my parents down 8) for some odd reason, pregnancy doesn't seem like such a bad idea in a year or two 9) i push people away just to see if they care enough to pull back 10) i'm terrified of how my life will turn out after he deploys 11) i've always thought of depression as a bunch of bologna; but i'm starting to believe in it 12) i wish mine was as good to me as hers is to her 13) i'm loud, carefree, and confident only to hide my lack thereof 14) medical school just doesn't seem right for me anymore...and i'm not ready to tell my parents 15) one time, i saw a guy litter in the asu parking lot so i picked up all the trash i saw around me, checked to see if his doors were unlocked, and put it all in the driver's seat of his car...i hope the lesson he learned was about littering; not leaving your car unlocked 16) if i don't get out of my house soon, i will go insane 17) the fact that my stepmom cleans everything for me makes me see her as nothing more than a maid 18) i have serious selfish issues...i like to keep people to myself 19) i brought four people together who have a greater connection with each other than i've ever had with a single one of them 20) my "new" friends aren't as great as i make them out to be 21) i miss my support group 22) i have no talents or hobbies...really, it's true...and very sad 23) i wish i was capable of staying home on the weeknights, but i just can't bring myself to do it 24) i lost one of my best friends because i was grounded for a week and so she moved on to someone else...ever since then, ive been afraid of losing my friends 25) i've already lost them 26) when georgia football season ends, i'm scared that i'll lose the only connection i have to my topher 27) i can't listen to one rap song without thinking of my best friend 28) everytime i call her my best friend, i cry, because i know that she does not call me by the same name 29) i still sleep with my buildabear everynight...even if i'm not sleeping at home 30) one thing i love about my "new" friends is that they never would ever make fat jokes; you have no idea how much they hurt me 31) i go to the gym daily now and i most definitely do not get the recommended 2,000 calories in...not even a third of that 32) trust me, i count 33) i feel so out of place in my sunday school class on sunday mornings 34) so, this one time, a guy in my sunday school harped and harped about how "Christians are called to be different and set apart" and how "drinking in public, even if you are over the age gives the image that you are blending in"...that next saturday, he showed up at a party i was at; kahlua in hand 35) re-reading these makes my stomach churn 36) i only deleted my twitter to make a statement; the night i did it, i realized how badly i overreact 37) i'm convinced that justin is going to propose at the fair in the barn where we met; i'm not totally sure; but if he did, not a shadow of doubt would cross my mind 38) i think that a certain "friend" of mine is a lying slut who likes to toy with boys' emotions and doesn't deserve the boyfriend she has now 39) when i see skinny girls put on weight, it makes me feel better about myself 40) i am surrounded by people who don't go to college and i feel awesome because i'm actually going somewhere with my life 41) i cannot cannot wait to go to the fair with the four greatest people i know...and yes, that was an invitation :) 42) i CANNOT wait for my wedding; i'm so stoked. and as of now, i KNOW my bridesmaid line-up and it's straight up ballin' 43) i feel like my life is finally coming together...idk, its weird. but now that ive worked everything out with my bestfriends and i know what i want, i'm much much happier 44) i'm an emotional rollercoaster, i've come to realize; i'm a "real piece of work" as someone so sweetly put it :) 45) i was really scared i wouldn't like my new autistic boy because i love aidan so much, but they are both two of the greatest kids i've ever met in my life 46) i'll be honest, i feel like a straight up G whenever people ask me where i work and i have the priveledge of saying "i'm a behavior therapist for autistic kids" :):):) 47) i went to my mom's for dinner last week and i saw my room which was even more bare than the last time i saw it and all of the anger i felt towards her came rushing back 48) i wish i lived with her again just so that i could have more freedom 49) i'm staying at home all night tonight and that makes me really happy 50)i want to move out...now. 51) i'm back living with mommy now and it just feels right 52) i'm obsessed with the way people's mouths move.
yeah, ill stop now haha :)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
